So, I started this blog as a diary really, and for the most part I haven't gotten too personal with it. But I'm going to be real with you today, and real with myself for that matter. If we can't be open with each other we'll never get anywhere. And if we can read about each other's real problems, maybe we can find inspiration and strength from one another. I love art, so this is like a little picture therapy for me. So here goes...
I have come to realization that I really suck at processing stress. I know everyone struggles with stress, but it really consumes me. I've been feeling this way lately. It's drama, and work, and my house being a mess, and everything starts to just weigh very heavily upon me. I start to feel like this:
I just feel so overwhelmed by everything. It starts me make me feel physically ill. I am one of those people who's stress manifests it self physically. Either my body will ache, or I'll feel sick to my stomach and it will get to a point where I just shut down emotionally to avoid the pain. I push everyone away and keep to myself to try and keep my sanity, and the isolation starts to make me feel really sad:
People around me will try to reach out to me, but this really just pisses me off. I get so angry and moody and lash out at everyone to protect myself from having to cope with my stress and my feelings.
The worst part is, after all the tongue lashings and freak outs, I feel terrible about myself. That's not the kind of person I want to be! I want to be someone that brings joy to people's lives, not the crazy moody one you have to walk on egg shells around. I get so angry about something and lash out, and then feel terrible for it. So now I'm not only mad at whoever I was mad at, but I'm even more angry with myself for losing my cool.
I just feel like my world turns completely upside down...
What I need is to find some inner peace....
I need to find some better stress mechanisms. This is what dance and art used to do for me. It was always a way to escape, calm down, and meditate, but I'm not in high school anymore. I don't have parents paying for my dance classes or spare time to pour my heart onto the canvas.
How do you find the time to cope with stress in a healthy way as an adult? Maybe this new healthcare will mean my dance classes or yoga could be covered? I can keep dreaming, I guess. I'd like to know your thoughts, and what you do to cope with everything that boggs you down.
Keep on keepin' on,